90 Days… 90 Lessons…

August 23, 2009 at 10:32 am (90 Days... 90 Lessons..., CLS, Paul)
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Every day along the trail we will be sitting in the morning w/ our horses and asking the question,”you are the teacher, I am the student, what is the lesson?” as a meditation on what our equine partners have to teach us about being more fully human.

We invite you to join us with your own daily mindfulness practice. Take some quiet time each day for undemanding time with your own horse, or even as an open query of the day, and then post your reflections here as a part of the community supporting us on our journey.

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So it begins…

September 9, 2009 at 12:00 am (CLS, On the Trail)
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Teacher’s Corner

September 6, 2009 at 7:18 pm (CLS, Jordan)
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Educators and students,
If you have questions for the members of the Expedition, please direct them to Jordan Kivitz at jkivitz (at) prescott.edu.

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Group Poems!

December 8, 2009 at 2:00 pm (CLS)

This is the result of a group writing excercise we did at the beginning, middle, and end of our journey on the AZT. We each reflected on a piece of paper for 10 minutes without picking up our pencils–non-stop writing. Anything goes. Then, we each read our peice aloud. Each group member then says one line that stuck out to them. This creates a very long group poem that reflects where we are as a group. We then read the poem aloud and everyone picks, again, one line that sticks out to them, thus creating a shortened version of the poem. Included here is the short and long version of the beginning group poem and the ending group poem.

Enjoy!

Short Beginning:

What does it take to begin?

Frightening, Frightening

Yellow

Satellites that don’t work

Continue starting

Beginnings are also endings

Satellites that don’t work

Awe inspiring

Frightening

Not sure how we know, we just do

And I found my shovel

Long Beginning:

Yellow

Growing from the sun

I found my shovel

Yellow

I am yellow

I was green

Layers falling away

Laughter we’ve never heard before

Canyons, creases

Commit

What’s it like to begin

Laughter we’ve never heard before

Beginning is the end

Frightening

Frightening

To begin is to end

Its time

Beginning is also ending

Frightening

Awe inspiring experience

Not sure how we know it, we just do

It doesn’t feel like we just began

It feels like we just are

Not sure how we know it

Awe inspiring experience

Without recognition

It doesn’t feel like we just began

Awareness is heightened

Grateful for the people apart of this expedition

Listen better when I try to understand where I am

Pam

Watching things unfold as on a screen

Grateful for the people on this expedition

Grateful for the people on this expedition

Spinning

Recognize their ability to mix

Waiting

Wild way in which we are alive

Dizziness even in silence

Recognize the ability to mix

Stir things up

Moving forward with faith

Continue starting

Satellites that don’t work

Dare mighty things

Satelites that don’t work

Kaeli

Starting

Moving forward with faith

Really hate yellow

Artificial bananas

The cockapoo that lost 15in

The flavor grape was ruined for me forever

Artificial banana no bueno

Where did she go?

Blue is my favorite, red is my second.

Short Ending Poem:

Only if we take off our masks and play tea party

Talking about poop before every meal

Hafiz will always have the voice of Chris

Freakin’ meaning

Gathering life back

Steady and deeper

I often catch myself in places  language does not go

A landscape that pulls me into its heart by its vastness

I don’t feel the need to run, I just don’t want to crawl.

Long Ending Poem:

Only if we take our masks off and play tea party

Meaning

Our story will have an ending

Easy or hard

All stories have endings.

Even if things are peachy

The landscape pulls me into its heart

Talking about poop before every meal

I’ve been to Mexico but I’m not complete

There’s a fence in the way

The perfect mid

1-2-3-4 of Hardy’s hooves

Will I be changed forever?

It pulls me by the heart into its vastness

Doors and borders—opposites

Is ending a door or a border?

Moving forward is easy, choosing a door is not

Is it just easier with one?
Moving forward is easy, choosing a door is not

Moving forward is easy, choosing a door is not

Images that stay with us even after we’ve forgotten

Occupying space

When does it end?

On the Utah border—again

I choose when it ends.

I don’t feel the need to run.

I don’t feel the need to run, I just don’t want to crawl.

Ranish: I am here

I just don’t want to crawl

This gum is stale

Here I am again

Here in the end to begin again

To ask why not

Freakin’ meaning

Keep going, growing, showing up

Mary Beth finally crossing the bridge—a celebration

Freakin’ meaning

I often catch myself in places language does not go

What does it mean to end where so many try to begin

Lost in places that language does not touch

You can’t forget brownies

I hope I made some sort of small impact

I’ll end your beginning!

Which questions can I answer? Which can I let go?

And of course you can’t forget brownies!

Maybe these moments are enough

I’ll end your beginning!

Those parts we take with us

Like pieces of each other

Each breadth a beginning and end

Easily redirected

Most of the time on auto

The point of contact where I end and you begin

Most of the time on auto

Following life back

Steady and deeper

Where I stop and you begin again, again

The plants don’t care, they just live to grow

Live to grow

I am by no means complete and I don’t intend to be

I am by no means complete

Unanimous growth

I’ve unzipped my skin

I am by no means complete and I never intend to be

Shedding my skin by rubbing on sharp stones

Sometimes needing to be ugly before they get better.

Wherever I go there I am

Long after the memories have faded into useless nostalgia

Wild and precious life

One wild and precious life

Sometimes needing to be ugly before they get better

The valuable expense to my

One wild and precious life

The self of no matter what.

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The Churro Man

December 1, 2009 at 8:28 am (Horses, Nikki)
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I have been working and playing with Churro for 7 months now. He challenges me in ways that people have not. He rewards me in ways that people cannot. He has a strong personality that many horses lack. He may look awkward and move strangely but his heart is big and his love is unconditional. I struggle to find the words to describe exactly how he has impacted my life. For those of you who have not had the opportunity of forming a relationship with a horse, think about the dog you loved the most or the cat that could never be replaced. It’s a best friend situation. Some people might think it’s odd that you talk to your dog about personal issues or the plans for the day just like you would talk to a friend. People may argue that animals are lesser creatures to a degree of stupidity, but we know that is false. Our animals know more than we do. And choose what to share and what to hold on to. I had hoped to continue my relationship with Churro after this journey. We have been through a lot together. He has carried me many miles and I have hiked with him for many more. He kept me safe on dangerous trails multiple times. I sat up nights when his stomach was bloated and he could only lay on the ground and groan. I watched him near to death when he choked, the light faded from his eyes and I thought it was good bye. He let me amuse myself by picking his nose and doing other slightly ridiculous things. He’s a good sport. A champ. I love that his presence has been a constant during these last months and that I’ve been able to wake up every morning and go hang out with the Churro man. Due to the current state of the economy, it’s looking like I will have to say good bye to Churro. I am but a poor college student and horses are expensive animals. (I hate this part; when the real world suddenly reappears and you have to be practical.) This loss has been on my mind quite heavily for the last few weeks. But is it a loss? Is that the way I should look at it? It’s hard to view it any other way. I know I should be thankful for having been able to share time with him at all. I keep hoping that our paths with cross in the future, but (once again) I should be realistic. I’m kind of scattered with all of these thoughts running through my head. I was wondering if any of you have ideas on the subject, or even suggestions on how I might be able to keep him in my life.

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A fit against the Country

November 22, 2009 at 9:25 pm (Chris, CLS, The Food We Eat)
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One night on the north rim of the Grand Canyon, that fateful brownie night, Marry and I decided to become vegan. What at first seemed to be a fairly simple choice, thereafter became a constant state of vigilance. No chicken for the fajitas, no cheese for the crackers. Seems fairly simple. Well, sometimes no crackers. No bacon for the eggs, no bacon. No milk for the cereal, no meat for sandwiches, no bread for sandwiches. No bread? What do you mean no bread! It’s made out of wheat right? Well, and milk, lactose, egg whites, honey. To just buy some bread we could eat, or crackers, or margarine, or just about any processed food…  well, it became quite the adventure, especially when you often had people shopping for you. When all the food arrived and we couldn’t eat half of it, well, at first this was challenging. If you had been here you might have heard me moaning, “What do you mean the margarine has milk in it!!!” Maybe you’re saying, “come on, what are you whining about!” But when I have use food as such a source of pleasure and comfort, making a drastic switch like that was definitely more challenging than I thought it would be. But things changed quickly. I know longer have to get in a fist fight with Jordan if I want some rice cheese, or Tofurkey sausage. In fact, I think it is pretty amazing how we’ve all come together around food, even with our differences. Whether its creating meals that we can all eat together, or having meat on the side, or Tofurkey for that matter, we’ve found quite a supportive balance between meeting our individualistic interests and recognizing what we all have in common. It has also become less about what I am missing out on, and more about the values that I am continuing to recognize and affirm. Sometimes my heart and taste buds have some serious arguments:

“Yes! Peach Coblar! Yummmy yummy yu—”

“—Ohhhh no… Sorry. It has honey.”

“No. Nooooo. What the ****! It doesn’t need honey! Why’s it have honey?”

“I know it’s pretty stup—“

“—It just has a litttttttttle… Come on?”

“What… no… NO!”

“But it’s Nikki’s birthday”

“Hmmmm… well… Wait! She’s not even here!”

“Ahhh… so what? Paul MEANT to get vegan crust… and it’s only the crust?”

“Well, you are right—it was his intention. But… I don’t know…”

“Come on!”

Well, you get the idea. My taste buds actually won that particular battle. But you just gotta keep on keepin’ on. It’s one thing to make a slip like that, but what about when you find yourself at an amazing farmers market with… well… that’s another story.

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Teaching by Stories: How the Unseen World Works for Us

November 22, 2009 at 8:41 pm (90 Days... 90 Lessons..., On the Trail, Pam)
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Two thirds through the expedition and we were in Prison.   Prison Camp that is…a.k.a. Gordon Hirabayshi Camp Ground, a once minimum security prison which was adopted by the Forest Service.  It has since been dismantled and provided a  great place to rest and recoup with the comfort of corrals for our horses and campsites for us.  We have just been through a grueling leg of our journey, up and over Mt. Lemon.  Though the views and scenery were amazing as we crossed through 5 eco-zones, ascended and descended 5,000 feet and traveled 24 miles the trail was not equine friendly and taxed our horses and our reserves.

Group dynamics were strained as we struggled individually and collectively to find meaning.  We decided we all needed a much deserved break to rest, re-charge and repair.  Visiting with friends and family, eating out, listening to live music, hiking, doing laundry, taking multiple showers/baths….what may be ordinary in the front country was experienced and savored,  providing the much needed down time to return refreshed.

On our first day back together we had the gift of the presence of Barbara Rector, Creator of Adventures in Awareness and Laura Brinkerhoff, Creator of Leap of Faith .  Wise and talented facilitators, with years of experience with the horse and human bond, they gave us the gift of their curiosity encouraging us to tell our stories of the trail.  “What inspired us to apply for this expedition?  How did we find our resilience during challenging times?  If we were to mentor others that were going on this trip what advice would we have for them?”  These and other questions encouraged learning, reflection and appreciation.

Listening to ourselves, having others bear witness to our stories, hearing the unseen world of our expedition team members has provided the much needed sense of purpose to fuel our curiosity as well as our courage as we continue.

Thank you Laura and Barbara for the reminder of the importance of asking a question of ourselves and others that we think we know the answer to and Really Really listen.  Though the expedition is of traveling and living in the natural world, it is important to also attend to the unseen world that gives purpose to our journey.

Posting by Pam

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What is this thing called partnership anyway?

November 22, 2009 at 2:00 pm (90 Days... 90 Lessons..., Jordan, On the Trail)

What does partnership and the number of wins in a timed thumb war have in common? To me, everything. During our stay at Gordon Hirabayashi campground, Pam facilitated an activity that planted us into the mode of habitual thinking based upon what we have experienced while viewing competition.
“So here is the challenge,” Pam said.
“Each pair will have a thumb war lasting one minute, and during this time each person will count how many times they win.”
“Go.”
“1,…2,……..3,..4,……5,” I said.
“And stop,” said Pam. “Okay, how many did your group have?”
“I won 5 times,” I said.
“And your group, Andy?” said Pam.
“I won 68 times, and Chris won 57 times,” said Andy.
“That’s good, but a better score is 100, and a much better score is 150,” Pam said.
So how could this be? How does anyone win 150 times in one minute while thumb wrestling? Partnership is the key. For me, a partnership is a question of needs, and the reaction of those needs by the participating members. If I just focused on winning in a thumb war competition without reflecting on the needs of my so-called “opponent”, then I will only win 5 times. Alternatively, if my friend and I collaborated, focusing on achieving the maximum amount of wins for each person involved then a score of 100 in a minute is not such a crazy idea.
We will venture back to this thumb war example in a moment, but let us reflect upon how partnership works in the world of horses. I am riding this beautiful animal down a trail, tie it to a tree, feed it when I believe it to be convenient, then leave this animal within an electrified fence area overnight so it will not run away; after all this, some people find a way to call this a partnership. Am I missing something?
Sure, you can be my girlfriend, but if this is going to be a partnership you are going to have to live in a locked attic while I carry the key, and don’t worry, I will let you run around in the backyard to forage, then back to the attic you go where you cannot escape. So, can I pick you up on Friday night at 7?
After this observation, it is hard to see this as a relationship and not a sociopathic endeavor. Let us go back to the original example of Pam’s facilitation. When the needs of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are met, a partnership is formed. Furthermore, it is when I adjust my focus to include the reasonable needs of the other individual, and not just my own, then that is the key to success in achieving 150 “wins” in a timed thumb war of 1 minute. By allowing the other person to pin my left hand with their right hand as many times as they can within the allotted time by sacrificing my thumb, and vice versa, while not sacrificing my needs, but asking what contributes to the whole, and not just my own self-gratification. Moving back to how this relates to horses, I believe it is possible to have a partnership with them. However, I must take a good look at my reaction towards what I ask of them, and how this relates to their happiness. When done honestly and authentically, this leaves absolutely no room for assumptions, projections, or forceful reactions based upon habitual patterns. Only honest reflection and implementation based upon truth and collaboration, where nobody wins and nobody loses, and everyone is still happy.
1,2,3,4, I declare a thumb war.

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A much needed update for y’all

November 22, 2009 at 1:30 pm (Departure, Horses, Nikki)
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Tuesday 10th of November-  We started our time off. Some of us stayed at my parent’s house in Tucson and others spent their time at a hotel in town. We had until Saturday to recharge and refresh. It was a much needed break full of good food, movies, and relaxation.

Saturday 14th of November- We set up camp near Raven Ranch, just outside of Tucson to the East. Jay, the owner of Raven, was very generous in letting us use his empty lot next to his ranch for an entire week. This week was devoted to horse skills. We were able to use some of the facilities at the Raven including round pens, riding arenas, and soda machines. We all took a lesson from Jana, a talented young trainer in Tucson. Half of us were able to take a jumping lesson with Jana’s school horses, which was a blast! Laura Brinkerhoff welcomed us to our campsite and listened to everyone’s take on the experience so far. We had the opportunity to spend some time with Barbara Rector, grandmother of the field of equine-assisted learning. She introduced us to TROT (Therapeutic Riding of Tucson) and Al-Marah, a local Arabian ranch. We went to a local horse show to watch a riding style called dressage. We had a full week of HORSE!

Sunday 22nd of November- We are planning where to go from here. We will trailer the horses back to the AZT this afternoon. We are currently trying to decide between riding around 50 miles from Patagonia to the boarder, or riding 50 miles from Kentucky Camp in the Santa Rita Mountains to Parker Canyon Lake, about 20 miles from the boarder. It’s important for us to make sure our last travel leg is a special one. We must pick our location wisely because the semester is coming to a close and we don’t have time to complete the 130 miles left to the boarder. We have exactly one week to travel before we must pack up and head home to Chauncey Ranch. We’ll spend about a week and a half at Chauncey before completing the course.

Note: Have no fear parental units and concerned loved ones, we have a spectacular Thanksgiving dinner planned! No boring tortillas and jelly for us! We will feast on tofu and turkey! I even heard rumors about pie!

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What I Learned Today

November 16, 2009 at 4:43 pm (Eleni, Horses)
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Today was lesson day at Raven Ranch! We had the opportunity to work with Janna, a trainer at the ranch, in one of the arenas. A real arena! One that has flat, soft footing. One that has a fence around it to keep horses and people contained. What a concept for a group of nine people and nine equines who have spent the last two and a half months in an open, rocky, unpredictable arena called the Arizona Trail. We’ve asked our horses to do some pretty challenging things on the trail and have learned that they are capable of amazing feats. I have observed that they are all willing to carry us and keep us safe.

While there are numerous lessons and skills to be learned on the trail, there are some important lessons that require more attention in a focused environment. Like steering. We all learned that our seasoned trail horses could actually walk, trot, and in some cases canter separately from the group, despite the equines trying to convince us otherwise. We haven’t quite mastered riding in a straight line, but we’re working on it. Personally, I learned that Hardy is very willing to do what I ask if I give him enough encouragement, support, and direction. It was refreshing to see the horses being asked to do something different and it was clear to me that everyone took something valuable away from the experience. Today it was clear more than ever that sometimes it takes a change of place, a change of pace, and a new perspective to help support the needs of a very multifaceted and curious group of people.

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This much I do remember…

November 16, 2009 at 4:28 pm (Nikki, On the Trail)
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So… yea. Not very many people understand what it means to have horses on the trail. This includes all sorts of confusion concerning fences. For example, we encountered a fence that was lacking a gate near Marshall Lake. There had, indeed, at one time been a gate, however, it was gone. The trail led up to the fence and continued on the other side. This was a very frustrating situation for us. Some people, however, might need a little help to understand exactly why that might be a frustrating situation. A cyclist came up on the trail behind us and proceeded to get off his bike and lift it over the fence. We exchanged greetings and a short summary of our mission. He asked why we had stopped and we commented on the lack of a gate. He explained that it had been removed a while ago and that he too thought it was less than ideal for him to lift his bike over a fence. He then asked why we did not continue on. Baffled, we looked at each other and then over at our horses who were tied to nearby trees. We then realized that this man did not understand that a horse cannot be lifted over a fence like a bike. It took him several seconds to connect the dots and realize that we were stuck on that side of the fence. We ended up pulling four fence posts out of the ground and laying the fence down flat. Two people had to then stand on the fence to keep it on the ground. A mante (canvas tarp) was then placed over the fence wires. One by one, each equine was hand-walked over the fence to the other side. Then we replaced the fence posts and left it looking as good as new. We encountered three more gate-less fences that day. Ughhh.

It is odd that non-horse people do not make these connections. We’ve discovered that it is not always reliable to ask people about the conditions of trails we are about to embark on. The High Line trail down the Mogollon Rim was said to be passable for equines. WRONG! Oh so very wrong. Romero’s Pass on Mt. Lemmon was also said to be a perfectly fine trail to ride horses on. Wrong again. We hand-walked the whole time while holding our breaths in fear for our horse’s safety and our own well-being. It was scary. There were many narrow trails on slippery rock that had a steep rock face on one side and a steep cliff on the other. We were doing out best to hug the rock face and avoid the cliff’s crumbly edge, but Tonto still slipped. His feet came right out from under him and he rolled down the steep edge to a flat part thirteen feet below the trail. He hopped right up and appeared to be okay. He did manage to puncture his right shoulder on a branch or rock. It was a very small wound but it was enough to make him sore for a few days. Black Oak had similar bad luck jumping down from a high rock into a rocky stream bed. He jumped but couldn’t land it quite right. He scrambled but still ended up falling to the ground. He was up on his feet in seconds and continued on with no sign of injury. Nevertheless, it’s a very hard thing to witness. I think some of us felt guilty for having taken our horses on that trail, but we did everything in our power to check on the conditions before we embarked. Several different sources said it wouldn’t be a problem at all. This just goes to show that even experienced hikers might not catch that some spots can be slightly more difficult or dangerous for equine travelers. They might have four legs instead of two, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re better-off than we are. Their size plays a big role. Some slots are just too narrow for their bodies or their feet to go through. It’s awkward for horses to walk on boulders and rocks, especially if they have slippery metal shoes on. Rocky stream beds are very difficult to traverse. We might be able to hop rock to rock, but horse hooves slide down into the crevasses between the rocks and that’s a scary feeling for a horse. Horses rely on their four feet to keep them alive. Being prey animals, they need to able to use all four feet to escape capture by predators. If any of their four feet are in jeopardy of loosing full and/or effective mobility, then they usually panic. Unstable footing can cause these feelings. And when horses panic on an unstable surface, it can get ugly. Long story short: our horses and mules did a great job and, sure, it was a pretty trail and Hutch’s Pool was an amazing place to camp, but none of us feel the need to take horses on that trail ever again (that means NEVER).

Side Note: Churro was a champ! He slipped once, but was able to keep himself from falling off the edge. He was “ice skating” quite a bit on the rocks with his slippery metal shoes but he handled it quite well. I’m very proud of him :)

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The Seed Market

November 16, 2009 at 4:25 pm (Natasha, The Food We Eat)
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We passed it on our first trip, striding eagerly by on our way to prickly pear jelly and free-range beef, bean soup and plump watermelon. It was like walking into a cathedral and failing to notice the saint at the threshold, you’re too captivated by the altar beyond. For more than an hour we prowled the Tucson Farmers Market (at Campbell and River), plying the vendors for free samples and information (“How much do you love your goats?”). Just as we were leaving I loitered at a booth near the entrance and, gazing at the contents of the baskets, wished that I had come here first. A myriad of many-colored beans were arrayed, each in their own bags and assortments. There were grains too, Mesquite flour and Blue-corn pancake mix and tiny Amaranth seeds. The offerings were mainly products from Native Seed/ SEARCH, an organization that promotes the continued cultivation and consumption of native and heirloom plant varieties. In a sense, this vendor represented what all the other vendors were doing in their own different ways: selling the seeds of human-scale, of local, of agricultural and gastronomic diversity. Since the expedition team has decided to stay in Tucson for a bit, we have had the opportunity to revisit the Market, thereby re-establishing connections to our values and local producers (not to mention giving our tummies a special treat). With luck, next Sunday we will visit a third time, just before jumping off into further adventures on the trail.

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Introducing….

November 15, 2009 at 3:50 pm (Horses, Pictures)
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Floozie (also known as Pumpkin) was the second horse kept off the Arizona Trail when it was determined that she was pregnant.

After many weeks of waiting, baby Griffin is finally here!

griffin

More Pictures of Griffin (and Phoenix) can be seen at One Shot Photography.

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